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My June cycle is a joke already...

Updated: Jun 17, 2019

I just had my cycle day 11 ultrasound and it was not what I was expecting. Last month I had my appointment on cycle day 11 and my doctor saw five follicles (23mm, 5mm, 4mm, 15mm, and 10mm) on my right ovary and two (8mm and 9mm) on my left. With the sizing of my follicles, I received the Trigger Shot that day. This June cycle I have three follicles that she could see. Two on the right ovary and one on the left. They were all around 10mm. To go from SEVEN to THREE is definitely a set back. And the sizes are smaller. My uterine lining wasn't thick enough either. Now, I have to wait until Thursday to shoot. That's cycle day 14 which puts ovulation on day 16. I don't want to give myself a shot. I don't want Jake to give me a shot. I'm getting sick of trying.

Not only is TTC super annoying with tracking and planning, but the timing is so important. I don't even get a choice in my doctors appointments. They tell me when I'm coming in. It seems like I'm playing a never ending game with a flower slowly picking off the petals going back and forth between saying, "this is my month," to "it's never going to happen." I was excited for this cycle because when I started taking Letrozole again I didn't have as many horrible headaches. To me that was a good sign. Apparently, it wasn't.

I know I need to be positive, but unfortunately this is not a positive post. Most of my fingers are bleeding because I'm anxiously picking the skin off waiting for the good news that I'm not receiving. I would rather continue to fail naturally than taking medicine that should be helping, but isn't. If it's not going to work, what's the point? This is only my second month with the medication and I know I'm being a baby about this, but I'm just sick of trying and getting my hopes up for yet another failed cycle. Only two with the medicine and 20 months trying naturally. 22 months of trying to have a baby while others get pregnant on accident. I'm honestly sick of being patient.

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