If you couldn’t tell... TODAY was my due date. I woke up this morning feeling like it was any other day; not feeling overly upset, just kind of 'meh.' I knew I was getting off work early and Jake was also taking some time off so we could be together. As I was about to leave work, a precious little beeb appears! ("Beeb" is one of my frequently used words for baby.) I am so happy for people expanding their families and I would never purposely take away away from them. However, today, at that time it was hard to hold back tears. Needless to say when I got home I cleaned. Very well. When I'm flustered I either clean or I cry. There's really no in between. And today there were no tears.
Jake and I had a whole day planned out so we could stay busy and continue to move forward with wedding planning! (For those of you who don't know, we are still going to have a ceremony and reception in November this year.) We went to lunch and it was absolutely amazing. Jake got fitted for his suit and we completed the grooms look. My engagement ring is sparkly clean and we picked out new wedding bands. It was honestly the best day with my favorite person.
I was so scared I was going to be devastated because June 12 will always stick out to me. I never had a due date before so it was an important time. To my surprise it turned into one sad moment but an overall great day. I know I say this often but I really am taking it one day at a time. Today was my fourth day taking Letrozole this cycle. My headaches are getting a little bit better and even if I'm an emotional roller coaster most days, I really am thankful. I do not wish infertility on anyone, but I'm learning so much about not only myself but my relationship. I finished that last sentence and instantly thought about patience. This experience definitely tests it. I remember years ago I prayed for patience and I think it is ironic after typing that period three sentences ago I was reminded of that prayer. I saw myself praying that prayer. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways and I honestly have no idea what it means, but I will continue to pray. Maybe tonight I will pray for more patience.
